So earlier this summer I blogged about a very deep, transformative night. Here's the link below to hear more about that. Essentially it was about the moment where I stopped resisting God and put my trust fully with him.
http://michaelpanton.blogspot.com/2012/08/summers-frost.html
So after that night, I didn't really feel any different. Everything was pretty much the same. I just went about with the rest of my summer until I moved in with the Buck Lodge boys a.k.a. the Young Whales (It's kind of an inside thing but a pretty cool story. Maybe I'll blog about it sometime). Classes started up, and everything was pretty much the same. Things were a lot more difficult than last year but the same nonetheless. There is one thing that has changed somewhat though. It's been kind of a gradual change since last year, but I no longer enjoy physics to the extent that I used to. The more I thought about it, the more I disliked it. This past Sunday, September 9, during worship at church, it kind of hit me. I found myself kind of being pulled toward a future in ministry. I had kind of felt that before on that night in the summer but was really unsure. So after church, I sat down for quiet time, and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Also I kept thinking about a couple verses that my core group leader from last year, now intern and mentor Alex Merrill, shared with me that Friday.
10If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength!11Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter. ~Proverbs 24:10-11
This was a really strong pair of verses for me because I had been asking God "to break my heart for what breaks yours." This is a verse from the song "Hosanna" by Hillsong. So anyways, those verses were on my mind along with a ton of other things. I was going to do my lab report for physics, but I just couldn't concentrate. I was giddy with excitement. I kind of checked into classes and stuff along those lines and kind of decided that I wanted to switch my major from astrophysics to a double major in astronomy and religious studies. I looked into it and kind of set my mind on it. I did want to talk it out though, so I met up with Alex again. We talked for a good hour probably. He said a lot of useful things that really helped. I also talked to our campus pastor, Pete Bullette, the next morning. All of this was kind of rushed because the last day to add a class was Tuesday.
So before my meeting with Pete, I prayed for discernment on what to do in the immediate future. I put my trust into whatever the outcome from these meetings. I didn't want my desires to get in the way of God's desires. So basically what both of them told me was this. Don't rush into anything. You don't want to put all your eggs in one basket. Regardless of my major, there would still be more training after I graduate. That was not really what I wanted to hear because I was all excited about the big change, but it did make sense. Astronomy and religious studies are not that useful of majors in terms of the marketplace. Pete told me that if I was his son, he would advise me to stay put at least for this semester. So leaving that meeting, all signs were kind of pointing toward staying put. I didn't want to and wasn't really sure what I was going to do. I even called my parents the night before and pretty much told them I was switching majors and looking to get into ministry. They seemed a little surprised but happy and supportive nonetheless.
I went to speak with my astronomy teacher to gauge the marketplace for astronomy majors, and just like I thought, it's not much. So after putting this all together, I decided to stick with physics for now. I am confident that I came to this decision through God with help from them. They certainly didn't make this decision for me. I do think I will return back to physics from astrophysics though to loosen up my schedule some for some more religion classes. I am pretty happy with my decision so far. I put a lot of stake in what Pete and Alex say. They are far wiser than me.
While I do still put a lot of merit to what I felt that Sunday morning during worship, I do feel like my own desires got in the way a little. I knew that if I switched majors, class would get easier. Rather than it being entirely about God and his will, my own selfish desires crept in. With that said, I do still believe that I could be being called into ministry and that excites me. Whether I am or not, I learned one thing about myself. I am willing to go wherever God takes me. I say that very humbly because I know that this was not a transformation I accomplished. It was God working in me and through me that has brought me to this point. So I am excited to see where physics takes me and how I can use it for God. Something I've also been thinking about is reaching out to my fellow physics students. God is not a big part of the physics department as you can imagine.
That was the beginning of my week for you. It was one like none other. Like I've said before and I'll say it again, regardless of my major or career, I look forward to serving God and spreading the gospel wherever I end up, which is such a far cry from where I was a year ago.
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