Summer's Frost

Summertime is a'rollin. As a child, summertime is a time of freedom. We all know that as we grow older, it's not all the care-free fun that it used to be. It has been kind of a tough summer for me. After applying to about 15-20 jobs, I couldn't find one. That left me feeling lazy and in a way, worthless at times. One of the biggest disappointments for me is not being able to tithe. I was looking forward to sharing my money with the Lord for the first time. Aside from that I was looking to use a lot of the money from my job to do various things with Chi Alpha. Luckily I've been blessed enough that I will still be able to do many of those things.

I have had a lot of down time and time to think though. Looking back on my time, I have wasted a lot of it, but I have also had some really constructive times. Throughout the earlier years of my life, I searched for something I would want to study. I so desperately wanted to know before I went into college. I found that in 11th grade. I decided that I wanted to pursue physics. Except for a minor change to astrophysics, that has held up until this summer. My major hasn't changed yet, but what I want to do after college is kind of up in the air right now. For a while I wanted to go to graduate school and become an expert. Later on, I decided that I just wanted a job after undergrad. After the best year of my life, and such a transformative year it was, I find myself questioning what to do. I kind of feel a pull to be a pastor or minister of some sort or maybe a missionary. I have kind of repressed the idea of doing that though. It seems too difficult. I didn't trust God with my life. Then came the night of 7/19/12. I ended up watching a testimony of a girl at UVA, and immediately afterward I just started praying in adoration of God just thanking him. After probably a couple minutes I finally said to God, "I will do it. I will give my life over to you." Almost immediately I broke into tears. Keep in mind that I can't even remember the last time I cried. I am not a crier. That is the moment that I gave myself fully over to God to do what he wants to do with my life. I put my trust into him 100%. I just kind of sat there in prayer, crying my eyes out on my knees beside my bed for about 15 minutes. This all happened around 10:30 at night. I don't think I would have had that moment if I would have had a job.

That is not to say that I know exactly what to do now. I am still kind of lost in my own mind. There is a sense of comfort in knowing that God is here and knowing that I am not on my own in making these big decisions.