Why Must We Live in Shame?

The other night, me and the guys that I live with (all 8 of us) were talking about honoring God in our relationships. The conversation was centered around kissing and the question of how far is too far? We talked about where our guardrails (aka boundaries) lie and why. Before too long, somebody mentioned how although guardrails are helpful, too many can produce shame. Someone even mentioned of an ex-Christian now petitioning for sexual freedom because she couldn't enjoy sex once she was married. It had been instilled in her that sex was bad, thus producing shame even in marriage. That led me to ponder the origins of shame. Where does shame come from? Following is a brief outpouring of my conclusion (although I'm still working it out).

There are two types of shame. I would classify them as 1) taught shame and 2) primordial shame. Here's what I mean by them both.

Taught shame is exactly that. It is shame that is taught. The ex-Christian lady that experienced shame with sex after marriage is an example of this. Taught shame is that which turns something that is not inherently shameful (in other words, something that's not sinful) into a house of shame. It is built on lies and deceit. This kind of shame is a valuable weapon used by Satan to penetrate the good in our lives. He uses it to destroy shalom in us and to corrupt God's original intent.

Primordial shame is that which is built into the order of creation. Merriam-Webster defines primordial as "existing from the beginning of time." This shame is a result of how we were made. God created us to be in relationship with Him. As a result, we have a certain inner disposition toward the good, toward God. When we cross that line, we feel shame. It's not because we've been taught that we should feel shame but that it is woven into our very being. To illustrate this, I will again use the sex example. God explicitly says that sex is to be reserved for marriage. Breaking such a command is breaking away from God's original intent. It is sinful. The natural consequence of this is shame. We see this today, even as hooking up is becoming more and more casual and accepted. The taught shame may be disappearing but primordial shame is not. Although still very much a poison in our lives, God can twist this type of shame to bring about healing. God can bring light into the darkness.

The difference comes down to this. Taught shame is external, while primordial shame is internal. Taught shame comes from others' teachings and views of us. Primordial shame comes from a breaking of the relationship with God and is felt regardless of whether or not culture agrees with the action. It comes from the breaking of shalom. Quite frankly the difference between these two shames is the difference between religion and Jesus.

Let us rejoice though, because we are not stuck in our shame. Although shalom may be broken, God wants to restore it. God wants to restore us. God wants to embrace us as His children. We live under the love and grace of an almighty King, God, and Friend that sent His Son to die on the cross, so that we may live!!

"Behold, I am making all things new." ~Revelation 21:5